Lost in a moment.

Sometimes I get lost in a moment, lost inside myself, lost in my head, lost but without clear thoughts or feelings. I remember the way it felt to be consumed by a sunset. I would watch the sun move smoothly behind the Wellsville Mountains, the colors would change instantly, and I could feel the beauty. Those radiant colors were more than just pink, orange, and yellow. They were peaceful, liberating, comforting, and calming. Even in the coldest of months, the sunset was warm and inviting. I was lost there in that moment each and every day because I allowed myself to be taken away by a moment.

Tonight, I sat on my front porch. The air was crisp but reassuring and life was still. I could hear the buzz of a busy highway somewhere in the distance, chirping insects, and a soft breeze. I looked into the night sky. Though cloudless, the stars seemed too dim to make out a constellation. I ached to see the stars.

I remember when Heidi and I were first dating, we walked up the hill behind her dad’s house because I wanted to see the sunset and still a moment with her alone. We sat there atop the mountain overlooking the valley and talked about everything and nothing. As we watched the sun set, the moon rose and the stars peeked through the deep midnight blue sky. It was gorgeous. We talked about the kind of moons that Heidi finds attractive. No to slivery, not too fat, it has to be a perfect crescent moon or completely full.

I miss it. I miss the mountains and the way the sunset seemed to sing just for me. It was tranquil. It was beautiful. It was home.

I realized tonight that even though our lives are filled with classes, readings, papers, presentations, lectures, speakers, cleaning the house, taking care of the dogs, and all the other responsibilities of life, I still need my precious moments that I can feel and just be. I want to just be. I want for a moment to not think and not care. I want to be washed over by the colors in a Utah sunset. I want to bathe in the moment. I'm aching to be lost in a moment!